#DearLoveAndLust "Did I Cheat?"
So Today is #FreakyFriday on the Maine Event Live Blog Page, and we have our first official entry for the Dear Love & Lust relationship and sex advice column. Today's post will cover a couple of topics but first lets get to the letter we got in our email.
I am a woman in her 30's and I am writing because I have an interesting question about a situation I got myself into. The other night I was out with a bunch of my girls for a bachelorette ladies night out. We basically did a bar and night club crawl. By the time we got to the final night club destination we were all basically twisted! So while dancing with one of my girls who makes it very well known she is bisexual, I ended up having a make out session with her! I honestly completely forgot that it even happened until one of my other girls showed me pictures of us kissing on her phone, Horrified I made her delete them and now I am going crazy because I am wondering if I need to tell my boyfriend what happened or not? I know most men would probably be happy to hear there girl had a curious moment with another girl but I'm not sure that would be the case with him. Well Dear Love and Lust what do you think? Should I tell him? And would me being a girl who kissed a girl count as cheating?
Sincerely "I Kissed A Girl".
Dear "I Kissed a Girl",
It is my initial belief that a woman telling her boyfriend that she had a drunken makeout session with her homegirl would be more of a funny story than a tragic moment in a relationship. However you added the point that you don't think he would be the typical guy and see it as something silly or fun that was probably a once in lifetime experience. Seeing that you know your man much better than we do I think you have to look at it in this manner. There are always consequences to every action, some of them are bad and some of them are actually good.
In your particular situation I think it would be a better consequence for you to tell your boyfriend what happened so he hears it from you, than for him to hear it from some one else. Whether it was shared by a friend or a stranger, accidently or on purpose I think it would serve you better if he didn't find out from someone else. It's also likely that even though your friends may have deleted any evidence your friends weren't the only ones there at the club. And even though girls making out are more common than not, its still a viral worthy video, snapchat or instagram post that probably was captured by more than just your close friends.
Now the other part of your question did your drunken kiss count as a cheating? Hmmm, that can be tricky? My question to you is do you know the guidelines of your relationship? What are some of the things you know about your boyfriends feelings on what he considered cheating? Here are some questions for you to consider even for your own peace of mind. First do you feel ashamed or guilty? Second if you weren't under the influence of alcohol would you have done the same thing? I think the dynamic that puts this in a more palatable position is that fact that you are a heterosexual female who drunkenly kissed another girl who happens to be bisexual.
But a deeper look shows a need to have an awareness of the boyfriends feelings in the matter. Does he even have a tolerance toward the gay and lesbian lifestyle. Would he think that your bisexual friend took advantage you? Would he become concerned that you would suddenly want to switch to the other side of the fence? There are so many questions that come into play. However it is my opinion that I would not classify this as a cheating moment. It was a mistake, but not a cheating moment. My opinion would change slightly if the friend was a guy. Not necessarily to sound like a double standard, but I do feel your boyfriend would feel more disturbed if you were in the middle of the club making out with a guy than he would with this bisexual female friend of yours. At the end of the day having great communication is the base of maintaining a long lasting and connected relationship. If you already have great communication discussing this should be easier than you think? And while you two are talking about find out more about what each other thinks about other things as well.
Sincerely,
Dear Love and Lust.
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Additional commentary:
WHAT IS CHEATING?
In today's world the definition of cheating would probably depend more on the individuals involved that a set specific standard of right and wrong. The primary definition of cheating is : 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, especially in a game or examination. So based on that definition cheating in a relationship would probably be to do something previously discussed between you and your partner as taboo in a dishonest way in order to do what you desire regardless of your partners feelings? I don't believe "I Kissed A Girl" had intentions to deceive or behave against her relationship. Although alcohol shouldn't be an excuse to misbehave it does tend to happen and can be forgivable in the right situation.
Take a look at this video of the comedian/ actress Monique and her husband on the new show "The Preachers" as they discuss the idea of open marriages and relationship. You also find out whose idea it was for Monique and her husband to have an "open" marriage as well. You might be surprised by what you see and hear. But I think it opens the door for an interesting discussion!
Do you think Monique's version of an open relationship is a version of cheating?
LET US KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS AND EMAIL MAINEEVENTLIVE@GMAIL.COM SUBJECT LINE "DEAR LOVE AND LUST" WITH YOUR LOVE RELATIONSHIP AND SEX QUESTIONS WE WILL UPDATE POSTS EVERY FRIDAY DURING OUR #FREAKYFRIDAY BLOG POSTS!
